Tip of the Hat/Bite of The Thumb Thursday #2

Muahaha. I miss TOTH/BOTH Thursdays. They gave me a chance to rip on people without any consequences. Well, besides for when I made fun of Canadians. Which was yesterday.
IMPORTANT NOTE: A few of you have asked me about the actual title of TOTH/BOTH Thursdays. A tip of the hat is a way to let someone know you have acknowledged their achievements, beauty, or status. On the flip side, a bite of the thumb clearly tells a person they have been meddling in wrongdoing. We cool on the definitions? Let's bro:

TIP OF THE HAT goes to this guy:

Could I interest you in some candy?

This man is a finely mustachioed legend. Some call him Vietnam Tom, while others simply gargle as their throats collapse from his endless barrage of fists. He derives his fame from brawl he took part in, while riding an intercity transit bus. What started as a petty argument, quickly escalated into a jaw smashing fist fight. Catch the action here. America literally runs through this man's veins.

BITE OF THE THUMB goes to Nicholas Cage. First it was Skull Rider. Fine. Then it was The Magician's Apprentice. Okay. Now, he's coming out with a movie entitled Season of the Witch? Apparently he doesn't understand that the only genre he'd excel in is reading courtroom dialogues. What's exciting about watching a low budget witch film where Nicholas Cage bares his horse teeth every five seconds? Nothing, unless he uncovered some treasure while in the company of talented supporting actors. You know what I'm talking about Nicholas. I would prefer scrubbing my body with sandpaper over hearing the dryness of his voice. Despite all this, he's a very successful man, and lives a higher standard of life than most people. For that, I think this following picture materializes my thoughts exactly:

Promiscuous Girl

Was that too much? I apologize ten fold.

OKAY THAT'S IT.

Okay, listen guys. For the last month and a half, I've been trying to uncover the reason for why I neglect this blog, instead of actually writing in this blog. THE THING IS, I'm starting to realize that it's really janking hard to whip out a tasty blog post almost everyday. You see writing a blog is like making love, no matter how many times I do it, I still cry at the end. Why don't girls ever care about my feelings? JUST kidding mom. My virginity has better security than Lil Wayne's comfortable Beverly Hills mansion. Lil Wayne: the only man allegedly capable of killing a police officer, sleeping with a police officer, and a making the Kidz Bop Top Ten List, four years running. Let's face it man, you are past your prime. Step down from your sudo-gangster soapbox, and make way for a real artist:

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the Pamper's Deluxe Home Changing Station.

I would make more jokes about this squandered use of life, but he's already got it pretty bad; he's from Canada. Some people might take offense to that and say "Hey man. Canada has lots to offer". I would hate Canada had it not been for their delectable... moose meat? No. Ski resorts? No. Hockey? No. Hockey fights? No, we have UFC. Lets face it folks, Cananda literally has nothing to offer us. Let's be the bigger man here (obesity epidemic jokes not intended), and toast these guys already. Ooh, watch out for the scary Canadian mountaineers, with their big, bad horseback calvary. I'm sorry horse-lovers, but even countries like Uzbekapakigoliprussiastan have tanks by now. They might win, only, if the Global War Lawmaking Committee rules that wars are decided by horseback polo matches. Then we have no choice but to unconditionally surrender.

Welp. It'll be another 5 months until I post anything.
-Con.

Emptied.

Where does time go? Before finals I told myself I'd take a break from blogging to focus on studying. Now its been a month since I've laid my fingers on this keyboard. The duration of that month was excruciating; the unexpressed emotions of my brain waging a pyrrhic war against procrastination and atrophy. The sanest part of my staggering brain told me "atleast I'll have lots of ideas to write about when I come back". I had to agree with that certain lobe of my brain: I had been pondering many things, in fact, I had almost let my thoughts consume me.

Now I'm sitting here, breaking my month-long hiatus, and all I can think of is...
nothing.

Nada. Zip. Goose Egg. Squat. What happened? Did somebody poke a drainage hole in my cerebrum and gleefully watch all my ideas slop out? I'm frustrated, tired, and a little fearful (but that is a whole other matter). I'm sorry my "comeback post" is so dismal. Maybe I won't be so brain dead tomorrow. Goodnight.

-Con